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Sunday, June 04, 2006
just came back from melvin's party brash... not quite what everyone expected.... haiz... i got home with a moody mood. well its okie that we weren't able to skate... its okie for me to play lan( i dun really fancy it as i find it boring?) but nonethless it was pretty fun but dry at the end as we keep killing the same few ppl... its okie for me to travel long distances... but its wasn't okie for me to not get the chance i longed and prayed for...haiz... every night i pray for the same miracle... but i guess i can never get it as i meant its not meant to be... haiz...i really hope i can be alright...
taking a long train ride of 15 stops partially alone... i was thinking alot about the past...well what do you expect after going out with both ur ex...but yea through this party brash i know that i have no feelings towards melvin...hmmm...thats a good thing...finally understand what my sister and mummy meant...well but on the other hand i feel really guilty towards yong sheng as today lina asked me why did our rls end...haiz...i think thats is one rls i regret...really regret...probably thats why i still like him til now...the liking for him is not deep...but i am really sad today...i tried so hard but got nth back...yi(4)xiang(1)qing(2)yuan(4) ba....i always have this feelings tha ti owe him...i always feel like replacing what i owe...the more i treats me coldly...the more he ignore...the worse i feel...now i feel rather sad...not that i like him sooo deeply til this extend...but rather i feel guilty and hope to go back to what was lost...but i think i am just nothing towards him...all is left is me feeling guilty towards him...lying there begging for a chance????stupid right??? but that was what i was thinking...the only time whereby i am ok is when i find a new boyfriend then i wont feel guilty...haiz...
hmmm after everyone got down at outram...it was done to me and mel...i walked to the back of melvin...a rather far distant away from him...haiz...i was loOking out...trying not to see him at all...but in the end before he got off,he waved bye to me...all i could do is mumble bye and loOk out...*shld i laugh*...well it was really nice of him as i feel wad for distant from each other because of a broken rls???hmmm i hope the bye meant we are still friends...anyway i have no single feeling more than friends towards him....just hoped he like his present....
heard abt his grandma ytd...rather sad as i know her...i paid my respect to her during new year...i talked to her before...sat beside her before...*shld i cry?*haiz...my eyes are rahter warm now...haiz...i am kind of sad too even though mel and i are not together...but i feel that the only reason why me and mel survived a one year long rls is because i cant bear to be apart from his so warm loving family...knowing that uncle cried...i feel sad too...hoping i could comfort him...
I JUST REALISED KELVIN FONG YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS ON THURSDAY!!! I AM SOOOO SORRY I FORGOT TO WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND FOR ME NOT ATTENDING TO UR BIRTHDAY BRASH! HMMM NO ONE INFORMED ME!!!! I M SOOO SORRY!!! WELL
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY weak lungs!!!
HOPE THAT U WILL RECOVER AND THAT YOU WILL ENJOY PLAYING POOL,GO CLUBBING,WATHCING NC 16 MOVIES(porn),OR MAYBE MUG YOUR WAY THROUGH Os!
AND LASTLY MAY GOD BLESS U!!!!
Xue Hua
| 12:23 AM
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