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Sunday, February 05, 2006
changed my msn nick today.hmmm rather sad and disappointed this morning.hmmmm someone lied to me again.left really cheated.hmmm feel lyk crying but the determine and strong instint stopped me.i think i must learn to be strongheaded and find more friends.i nv go church today again its been a month ever since i stepped into church.well i think i shld make an effort to g to church.i think i will go myself.today i studied my phy and chinese ting xie.now i m gg to do my math hw.so bored at home.i duno whether i shld go out.no calls or reply.nth.feel so neglected.sobx...hmmm i think i m a sadist man.looking at my previous blogs all got to do with rls problems and me being sad and lonely.well i think thats me.... SUX MAN!i wanna be happy but just someone keep lying to me,empty promises,neglecting me,making me sad,mouth say but do another thing.feel lyk saying here how i feel but beta not as that someone may read it.well i feel lyk saying to that person straight into the face but im afraid it will make things worse.The person do read my blogs and do know how i feel i think...but i think the person just dun care or it just become a past tense.well i really duno what to do now.all i can say is that my luv life sux.i really wish to go on a holi with my grandpa and 4get everything here.leave everything behind me.bcoz the only thing i noe is that i am not happy.no real true happiness smiles and laughter are from the craps i make or hear.but when at night it all comes down to loneliess.well must say no one really notice how i feel as they always ee the happy 4eva laughing me.but seriously im super weak inside.i often cry in the night about the slightest things.i hope i wont become lyk my granny.all wish is to be happy!and i dun wana ppl to lie , give me empty promises , neglect me.i feel now that i give in alot mabe the ppl around me dun feel it at all.but the things i give them is something that i will nv get back in return.hmmm i always cheer ppl up when they are sad and when they have rls prob i will pull them through even if i have to accompany them every night so scold to wake them up.when my they are sick i will take care of them and give them luv care and concern.hmmm seriously no one have ever taken care of me when i m sick despite my mummy.these few years my mummy take care of me no more.i wished the person i luv wld take care of me but it seems to be a difficult task.well i dun dwell or ask them to take care of me.hmmm maybe i shld try asking... but in my heart i noe its impossible and even more impossible thing is that i have never recieved this special gift from anyone.from sec 1 i wanted it but no one seems to buy it even though knowing it.hmmm some just plainly forget.hmmm well i duno.i think ppl take me for granted.i do things that no one appreciate and for some i ask them to do things for their sake but they just chose not to,give empty promises,or do it but now....haiz... hmmm al i have typed is not abt one person but all my surrounding frenz.hmmm i guess really dun one know me that well....they know i m that crazy gal.
hmmm now i feel lyk not getting him a valentine's day present.not that im angry with him or that of we quarrel. but the gift in mind is sooo diffiicult to be done unless im that crazy of that much of the time to run ard sgp with my cam....hmmm that crazy.....hmmm well i shall just spend the day with him.... make it simple i guess as i know no rls is granteeded hmmm i dunno wad will happen nx....hmmm now its 4.... no calls of him....well seems lyk i will be home today.... wow great.....he lied to me again...............................m i supposed to smile? i wonder..........hmmm now im typing wad im thinking it really scary.well i guess it no pt quarrelling with him abt this as in the end im at the losing end aren't i?hmmm i think i shall just blog how i feel instead as i hate diaries.hmmm lazy to write sia.....but hor ppl read my blog.......well i think i shall stop here.whether HE will read how i feel a not i dunno,but something i ccan comfirm is that everything abt me and how i feel has becomed his past tense.whether he will change i dunnoe....time will tell and if that moment doesnt come.....how wld the ending be i guess everyone will know......
Xue Hua
| 3:24 PM
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