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Monday, December 20, 2004
haiz... suddenly after i saw yong sheng's friendster picture... my heart suddenly pump very hard[once] and made me feel sad... the picture was verynice he look different and shuai worx.. but y do i feel that... do i still like him??? but... cant be... i know who i like and love... but why do i feel that way... eveytime i think of him i feel sad regret rejection topping off with love??? i am not sure... i wish to know who i really love and who i dont.. i am always a flicked minded person... when i know that yong sheng love another girl... my heart have a sudden urge of jealousy... not that i like him but regretion as i forgo him... it feels like jealousy but it means like selfishness... weird right...maybe the person i like and love is not really the person who will be my husband... maybe... i dunnoe... and i hope i know the answer.. it really hurt to know that yong sheng like another... as wanted him last time... but he didnt want me... maybe like xinyi said no more feelings after i break with him... gui pei once told me why me and yong sheng friendship or relationship was like now in a mess... because from the beginning we didnt know each other in and out... so now being friends back is hard... as we were not close from the beginning... but lovers... so its hard to not be lovers and be friends now... my little wise jordan di di told me when i ask him this question... if you break up with your bf or gf because you thought his wasnt there for you and didnt understand you... but after breaking... you felt miserable and regret... and thought like patching back with him or her the next day.. will you patch back??? he said' i am not sure....' but later he said... ' No... as the girl do not know who she or he want to be with since she say she want to break.... wanna break than break wanna patch than patch... this sounds as if she or he is not serious...' when i heard what he said i felt sad... as i roughly know how yong sheng felt when i break with him... and why he doest wanna patch with me... he hurts until now... my friends told me that guys are not important in life... soon ou will get over with it... but i didnt... xinyi say to forget someone you have to love another... it true... but how are you going to love another when you cant get over the first.?.?.? that is why i never accept another bf after yong sheng... as i want to get to know more of the guy i love... and test my heart whether do i really love him... or am i still in wonderland thinking yong sheng still loves me.... even thought i my mouth says i do not love yong sheng anymore but my heart have a little feelings for him... that y everything i see his picture or face i will be extra cauious and sometimes cry... yong sheng is really a gentlemen but his character is the type i do not really like... bt realli lor i dunnoe y i break with him lorx.... maybe because he hardly talk to me le... i felt soo lonely ba... we went out once only... and partly i amd flicked minded and thought chong long will like me too... and i listen to fiona... break with him... [ no offence to fiona] haiz... i wish yong sheng will come back and be what we were... its just illusion...
dunnoe what my mind and heart thinking man... be contended... haiz... the weak point of my heart is... i am never contended.... haiz... i may love another one day... but i will nv treasure him until i lose him... haiz love is sooo...i soo... haiz... i still think i am too young to think about love... well... i hope young sheng will read my blog... hai....
Xue Hua
| 4:58 AM
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