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Thursday, November 11, 2004
he loves me, he loves me not...he likes me, he likes me not...he friends me, he friends me not... he hates me, he hates me not... he talks to me, he talks to me not... he cares for me, he cares for me not... he is there for me, he there for me not...
hai the petals of my rosy heart has shed and my conclusion is... he loves me not,he likes me not,he friends me not,he hates me not,he talks to me not,he cares for me not...
shattered heart hear my pray...
i want him i need him i dun wanna lose him... but will he want to me mine??? Does he want to help me??? Does he want to keep me???
in my mind theres is only negative thoughts coming through...
it hurts within me
being optimistic is good, but its difficult
leaping over hurdlers difficult as poractice makes prefect
knowing him seems like yesterday...
25.5.04
the day our heart were together...
the night seems like any other night...
dark
alone
and in front of cyber
hmmm...
joining of hearts is just sticking another piece of meat to another...
it isn't realli important or being heed by one
as it is there...............
i took things for granted as heart will not split
will it???
if you are a optimistic person like me the answer is No
but a worrysome personwill say Yes
Yes or No???
officially the answer is Yes...
the joined heart splitted into two leaving a Half weak heart to live in my body
can't breathe
can't think
can't move
can't talk
but only cry...
taking things for granted is common and comstant
but the impact is movable... going UP going DOWN
a Weak heart can be cure...
but there is no prefection...
Doctors can never heal a person til he is 100 % healthy
there is human error
My weak heart is now cured...............BUT.............
i love to eat fried food like potato wadges... french fries... curry
i love to drink green tea... choco milk... icy milo...
this are bad and unhealthy food for a person who is SICK and WEAK
My condition weaken...
ppls out there your must be thinking what the hell am i toking about...
well i m relating my feelings and love life about myself with a twist...
can ur understand how i feel??? i shall explain now...
25.5.04
i stead with him
well steading with some isn't a big HOO HA...
that night was just like any other night
there was only a sparkle in my smile
delighted to open up my heart to a hangsome guy like him
hoping our relationship will last
went to school the next day
didn't really remember my life had changed as i have a guy to lean on now
until during the [fter examination activity] the science experiment...
i suddenly remember him...
feelings warm and mushy inside
HEHEHE
i can still remember the feeling that i felt that time that moment!!!~~
thats why my old OP pencil boz have the date i accepted his love
the two months being with him was great with not enough for me
we went out only once
even though we only watch a moive [ spider man 2 ]
but sitting next to him at the back row at the couple seat
feeding him sweets
sharing the same sourish sweet drink was simply undescribable
he walked me home
called my handphone and house after that
made me feel realli great...
those happy moments... argh...
our first and only date was enough to make me happy until now...
he was shy and the talk less kind of person
he was more of a cyber and basketball kind of person
he was a jail bird but its a good thingy....
even though we chat online and sms most of the time but i can remember most of the messages
ANd how he made me sleep wiht thos mushy sms........
i kept all of them until now...
i caN remember how we talk on the fone... [silence] we hardly talk when we were on the fone.... as there was nothing to say... he would type stuff on his com while i will listen...
i can remember how we can talk on the fone until 3!!! until i slept while talking to him.... until now no one has broke the record of talking on the fone til 3!!!
i can remember the time i kiss him through the fone and he gave me one back
i ccan remeber the time he said I LOVE YOU LOUDLY one the fone... that made me soo embarrassed... putting the fone down was the only thing y i could do... HAHAHA
i remember everything when we were together... as our time together as little and small... but strong impaction on my memory...
but after 1 month plus... i think he was sick of me... or i was sensitive... i felt he wasnt there for me... actual fact he realli wasnt there for me went i wad lonely... sad ... he didnt know how to comfort or say nice things... he onlyy know how to type ... I LOVE YOU... I MISS YOU... thats not i really want.. words seems nothing to me then.... i want him!!! HIM!!!but he never came...
BREAKING up was my only solution...
i broke up with him...
HE AGREED!!! yES he did!! he objected he didnt... my memory is far better than him....
i asked him to change.. but the usual sentence is..."i m like that cannot change" just this sentence can break my heart into bits.... making me break down adn cry infinity times.... does he know or feel the same way i dun think so...
seeing me in school was like seeing a piece of transparent SHIT!!!
hurts me a lot a lot...
i m a human ...
i have feelings too...
no one could comfort me...
i didnt tell my friends we broke up... onli melvin... my closest and trust worthy friend
he doesnt noe hoe to comfort peeps but he was there from the beginning to THE END...
me relationship with melvin strengthen...
but my love for him didnt change i regreted and wanna him back... but he thought likewise... hai
he didnt want to patch back not until today
he like another and me too like another... but my weak heart is still weak...
i do have feelings for him i admit...
but to him i m nothing... i know that
i feel that
melvin was the one who patch my heart back... heal it and took care of it...
my heart is now not 100% healed... i know...
being with melvin i feel warm... safe... loved... comfortable...
thats what i want and that what i need...
me and melvin have been best of friends for a year now
sooo communication is good... he knows me in and out unlike HIM...
he understands me... but he doest know what i m thinking when i m sad... obviously is HIM.... theres isnt anything else... simply HIM
only HIM can make me sad... can make me cry in the dark night...
i m a selfish and greedy person i want HIM and i want melvin
my only wish os to be back with HIM once again ... i want to talk and chat with him like we used to... most proberly as a friend...
as for melvin... no worries for me... he is foreva my best friend... maybe we could move a step further as become couples maybe... i dunnoe... and i dun wanna know...
let nature takes it course... this is my love life my wish hope you guys will like it and will not learn from me... never accept a love of a guy if u dunno him well... and never take things for granted but take things up your stride... this is maureen good night!!!
Xue Hua
| 10:47 AM
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